Pedo partner

Having trouble understanding why I did this...

2020.11.27 20:16 Suspicious-_aioli Having trouble understanding why I did this...

I wanted to post this in a facebook support group but I don't want this to be attached to my name and photo, so...
So uhm, I think I need to know why I did what I've done. Me and my partner have said we would just leave it in the past but I don't think that's the right thing to do... at least for me.
I started having sex when I was 13. Guy was ''my boyfriend'' (much older, too), I was young and naive. Happened once or twice and then he left. Sucks, yep. The same situation would happen to me for the next four years or so. A couple of times. They got what they wanted, and then they left. I feel dirty, used. Worthless, gross.
I consider myself a feminist, and maybe I shouldn't be so ashamed of what I've done because there's nothing wrong with sex, right? But let me tell you why I see myself this way: I didn't want it. None of it. I never enjoyed it. In fact, I was sex repulsed most of the time until I turned 24 and I met my SO. But why did I do that?
I have a few theories. One is that I was so alone and felt so empty I thought having them love me would solve it. And then thought doing what they wanted would make them love me. Made sense to me back then.
Then it stopped for a couple of years as I fell ill. At 19 I started a relationship with my now ex. I didn't want sex even then, it felt like a chore to me and seemed always boring. I liked him, but sex wasn't appealing to me. We broke up when I was 23.
Now here's what I'm most ashamed of. Two or three months later I started using tinder and met a guy that I used to like back when I was in uni. We started talking, went to his apartment, had sex. WHY, THOUGH? I didn't want it. Why was it so hard for me to say no? I thought I had learned my lesson. I felt so ashamed and disappointed of what I did. Why am I so weak? I just wanted to be his friend because I thought he was interesting, so he invited me to hang out once again another day. But I left when he started trying to touch me. And that was the last time I saw him.
I didn't want it. That's what makes me feel gross. It's not what I wanted. It's not who I am. I don't like sex. I wish I spent my teenage years hanging with my friends and not with those pedos. I wish I picked up a hobby instead. I'm pretty sure this is just the BPD but WHY. WHY THIS?
Has this happened to any of you? What are your theories? I feel like I NEED to know what's behind my actions to be able to fully let all this situation in the past and stop being too hard on myself.
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2020.11.26 06:24 rootedbarstool People are accusing my fiancé of being a pedophile because I "look like" I could be a teenager.

My fiancé and I are both in our early 20s, and we've been engaged since February 2019.
Here's the thing. My fiancé is a really tall dude, standing at 5'10". I'm a very tiny girl, standing at only 5'2". I'm also really thin, but not to the point where it's unhealthy. According to my BMI, I'm actually at a weight that's considered healthy for my height.
I don't know who it is, but he has told me before that people have accused him of being a pedophile before because I look like I could still be in high school. These accusations are not only harmful to him, but also me since this could technically pass as body shaming. I'm basically being told that I'm unworthy of finding a life partner just because "anyone who dates/marries someone who looks underage but isn't must still be a pedo." I've never been insecure about my body until he told me about these accusations. I want to make myself look more like an adult, but it's nearly impossible. I can't make myself grow any taller by my own will, I'm the kind of person who can eat tons of food without gaining any weight so packing more weight on would be difficult, and I can't just use makeup to make my face look older.
I'm a really shy person who already had insecurities about myself to begin with, but one thing I was always proud of myself for was not caring too much about my body image. So much for that.
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2020.11.21 00:52 ImZared What’s going on with the Banana Bus Crew?

(NSFW IN TERMS OF MINI LADD’S CASE AND ACCUSATIONS)
I’ve been a long time fan of the group, watching since ever since I was 9 (now 16.) Recent controversies and accusations about the crew, as well as clips accidentally left in videos and just an overall bad feeling has left me at a crossroads with the crew.
Ohmwrecker in a recent series of tweets, accused the banana bud crew of bullying, pedophilia, homophobia and racism. Not every single member of course but certain members. Ohm talked about how Marcel, Wildcat and terrorizer are the bullies of the group. Wildcat being a bully shouldn’t surprise any of us, but here’s a video of him bullying nogla for giving him a call out in cod. He apologized in this video but it just goes to show how much bullying goes on behind the scenes that we don’t see because of editing.
Ohm also talked about how before you left he talked to Vanoss about the whole situation. According to ohm, Vanoss empathized with a lot of his points and understood what was going on, meaning Vanoss to a degree acknowledged the bullying being directed towards ohm. But ultimately Vanoss backed wildcat, marcel, and terrorizer in end to what Vanoss claimed was loyalty but ohm claimed as more or less because of Alpha Betas a new cartoon all 4 of them are in.
Ohm is still on good terms with Nogla, Cartoonz, Delirious, and Jiggly, which are the friendliest and bunch of the group imo. Ohm also accused Scotty (fourzeroseven) and marcel of being homophobic, due to discord/skype messages (which ohm basically said to believe him in so don’t take that to account) and a tweet about 4 years ago where Marcel said the FGT word. But I don’t think that entirely holds any weight, seeing as that word is used more of as an insult towards your friends or people you are shit talking to in games. After all marcel does have a charity dedicated to stopping bullying/harassment and while ohm has accused marcel of being a bully which could be plausible, I don’t believe marcel is homophobic.
Ohm also mentioned in a comment under a youtube video where brian said that they wouldn’t be playing with ohm anymore, how before mini ladd was exposed for pedophilia he was trying to work things out between the group, and how both nogla and ohm were trying to convince brian to work things over with mini a full year before mini was exposed for grooming children. However, Ohm talked about how Mini threatened the group by saying if he went down he was taking them with him, which alluded to ohm saying that there are supposedly other pedos in the group and how all it would take was a skype/discord log dump and everyone in the group would get, “Canceled immediately.”
Ohm also expressed discontent with wildcat and other members of the group in a series of tweets and in the youtube comment about how they falsely accused ohm of creating a twitter account purposely trying to expose the group. Where as ohm explained, wildcat argued with him for hours, confident in that ohm was the account they were talking about. However, ohm was later, “proven right,” when the account had tweeted this where basically it was a semi face reveal of the owner of the account holding up a piece of paper that said “I’m not ohm.” and the person holding up the picture wearing women’s clothing. Ohm said he was hurt that the group thought he’d make an account just to try an expose him.
And while I do believe the banana bus crew had no idea about the mini situation. I do believe they knew about the Lui situation. And it sucks to think that they let one of their friends manipulate, verbally abuse, and use women for all those years and has no problem with it.
Ohm also went on to say that when mini ladd was in the group, that up until he left, he was the groups punching bag. That mini would get constantly bullied and harassed by others in the group. I don’t really care about this however, since mini groomed children he deserves no pitty.
Do I believe everything Ohm said was entirely correct? No. But it’d be hard for me to say I don’t believe him entirely. Ohm was one of the friendliest of the group, his previous twitter logs and the way he interacted with the group made that so. Especially since it was obvious in Vanoss’ editing style that him and ohm were close.
I personally take issue with how the group seems to bully nogla. Nogla seems to take a lot of unnecessary hate and bullying from the group especially in the videos linked above. And in all truth we most likely don’t see the extent of it due to editing.
And it seems a lot of people have stopped watching vanoss all together. Vanoss pre ohm drama was pulling in 3-4 million views a video. Whereas now he’s only pulling in 1 million, 2 mil if he’s lucky, and on most of his sponsorship vids less that a mil. I don’t know if this is in direct result of all the drama surrounding the group, or if it was because he was dropped from youtube partner program which he mentioned in either this video or this one . His drop in views could just be temporary, who knows, it could start picking up again.
I don’t believe everything ohm has said, but like any other friend group, they have their differences.
All in all, I hope this group gets through it. These guys were a huge influence on me growing up. And I continue to watch them day in and day out. I’m no longer at a cross roads, I’m going to keep watching their videos. They always make me laugh. But i would like to hear other people’s opinions on this.
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2020.11.18 15:13 DiagonalMirror I [M32] was/am seeing a guy [M18] and just need an off-my-chest/advice in a 'safe space.'

I don't know if I just want to get things off my chest in a place where I won't be judged or if I need any advice. Advice is welcome though. I originally made a throwaway account and posted in RelationshipAdvice, but got met with "you're a pedo" and "I'm not going to read all this really long post because all your problems are related to the age gap." I then found this sub and want to try again here. Even if people don't reply then at least writing this is cathartic.
In general, I've always liked guys a few years younger than me. This has been the case for as long as I remember. There have been cases when I've been out on dates with older guys - when I was 21 I went on multiple dates with a 30 year old - and I do sometimes crush on guys much older than me. However, I was made redundant from the British military in 2014 and went to university as a mature student. Since then, my circumstances have meant that I'm predominantly around guys that are much younger than me and I've found myself more and more attracted to them. This was exaggerated by a part time job at a chain convenience store during my first year of uni and by the fact that most of the guys on the football (soccer for the Americans) teams I play for are also younger. I am now currently finishing a Masters and technically still at uni - though working from home due to Covid.
The more specific aspects of the story are that at the beginning of August I matched with an 18 year old on Tinder. We chatted for a bit and exchanged Snapchat. We chatted on there for a bit and then stopped chatting because he wasn't "feeling me." However, on 15th October I messaged him on Snapchat to say that I was playing football 5 minutes away from where he lived and did he want to finally have a cuppa. He suggested the pub instead. After football I met him and we had two pints and a chat. I liked him. He must've liked me because he agreed to meet me the following Saturday. Saturday was a blast. We got stoned together, chatted endlessly, and had so much fun. I told him that he could sleep on the foam guest bed/mattress thing and he asked why he couldn't sleep in my bed with me. I said he could and he did. Sunday morning was fine and felt so relaxed and natural. Monday he said he was at college - over the road from me - and did I want to meet him for food. We did. We then met the next Thursday where we just went for a drive and chatted for over two hours. The following Saturday was the same as the previous Saturday and we agreed we'd be mutually exclusive. The Sunday morning we met his best friend and went for a drink with her. Afterwards I went to football and they went out in the nearest city for drinks. He messaged saying that his best friend thought I was "sound" and that the night out would be better if I was there. It was an intense couple of weeks and we Snapped and iMessaged loads.
The Monday after his night out he was distant with him only messaging very sporadically. Tuesday was the same. Wednesday he didn't message at all and I made a point of not messaging first, sensing the changes in his messages from the previous two days.
Thursday morning I messaged and asked him if we were still on for Thursday drinks/chat. He said "of course." When we met though, he told me he'd bumped into his ex in a gay bar in the city and wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. He asked if we could be friends.
I normally wouldn't agree to this - I have plenty of friends of all ages and I'm not normally enthused about being friends with someone I've been sexual with. However, I'd fallen for him hard and fast and, unlike me and most gay men, I have things in common with him.
In fact, I feel like I have lots in common with him, from both liking football and supporting the same team, both being masculine and not obviously gay, we went to the same junior school and know the same local area, we both like getting stoned together, we're both doing educational courses, both want to travel more, neither of us speak to our mothers, both had religious experiences, but most of all I just feel like we can talk to each other and understand each other. It's so rare to find another gay guy that I can relate to so well, especially within ~3 miles of where I was born/live!
So we agreed to be friends. We hung out that night and I met two of his lad mates. And then the following Saturday I met him at a dodgy place he goes to and got stoned, but paranoia hit me given the circumstances - being in a dodgy place, stoned, with a guy that had kind of just ditched me as a romantic partner two days previously. I went home. He messaged the next day to see how I was.
We then left it two weeks before meeting again this last Saturday. We were supposed to go to my sister's flat which is around halfway between where he lives and where I'm currently living. This was so that we were somewhere 'safe' where I could get stoned without paranoia and where he could get a taxi home from so it wasn't awkward with sleeping arrangements. However, he then said we could get stoned at his with one of his friends I'd met the previous two times we hung out as friends and I could stay over. He lives with his sister and I assumed she'd be out.
Then he said his friend wouldn't be coming.
His sister (and niblings) were in when I went over though. We smoked out of his bedroom window. As the night wore on he told me he'd told his friend/s about my age. He made it so that I could sit next to him on the bed. He ordered and paid for takeaway - it was his turn from when we were 'dating' - and offered/saved me some of a popadom he'd got for himself. He suggested that we sleep together. We both said nothing sexual would happen. When I said (still a bit stoned), "this feels awkward" he asked if that meant I wanted to spoon. I hadn't meant that at all, but he turned his back to me and we did. Eventually, he had his head on my chest and nuzzled his head into my neck/chin. I kissed him. Stuff happened. Stuff happened again in the middle of the night. Spooning him and being spooned by him again felt great.
The next morning felt different to the previous times. Less intimate. He sat on the windowsill and smoked and, during a conversation about his best friend who I'd met around three weeks previously, said he'd be going out in town with her at Christmas and then sarcastically added, "because that went so well last time." I don't know what that means but associate that night with being the reason he decided he didn't want a romantic relationship with me. When he let me out of his house he gave me a fist bump and called me "bro."
He's now being just as distant with his iMessages and Snaps, but last night I deleted Snapchat to concentrate on uni work.
So... I'm just wondering what's going on if anyone has any idea, because I certainly don't; I'd particularly like to hear the perspectives of any teens in this forum?
I think he obviously orchestrated our last smoke session as friends to bed me: he changed the location to his house, his friend who was supposed to come never came, he bought takeaway because it was his turn from when we were dating, he made space on the bed for me to sit next to him, he suggested sleeping in the same bed, and he nuzzled into my neck/chin in what I think was in order to get me to initiate a kiss.
On the flip side: he's been distant and uncommunicative, we both said we wouldn't do anything sexual, it wasn't very intimate the next day, he called me bro and gave me a fist bump instead of a kiss, and he's being uncommunicative and distant again.
What does he want?
Does he want to reset and take things slow? Is he telling people my age because he's seeking approval regarding the age gap before being more committal? Does he just want to be friends with benefits? Did he drunkenly do something with someone the night he went out with his best friend and feels guilty so is trying to extract himself from me? Does he already have a boyfriend and I'm just a side chick? Is this just how 18 year olds are and he doesn't know what he wants? Is it something else I haven't considered?
I know I/we probably rushed things at the start but we spoke loads and about deep stuff too. He initiated the deep stuff. The first night he stayed over with me he made me assure him that we'd see each other again. And now it's like it was all a lie to get me hooked. Or maybe I'm just overthinking everything and should go with the new 'flow'...
I'm lost.
Again, I'm sorry for the really long post but I suppose I'm maybe hoping for a perspective I haven't considered. I'll check in to respond to any comments or questions anyone makes, but this is a throwaway account.
Thank for reading.
TL; DR: Me and an 18 year old with lots in common fell hard and fast for each other. He then had a dramatic change of heart after a night out where he saw his ex, telling me he didn't want a sexual relationship. We agreed to be friends instead and hung out as friends three more times, but on the third time I feel he orchestrated things so that we'd sleep together and sexual stuff would happen. That was last Saturday night and now he's back being distant. Thoughts?
submitted by DiagonalMirror to AgeGap [link] [comments]


2020.11.17 00:38 spideyDman I plan to end it all tomorrow

Edit still here.. too much of a pussy and 0 motivation. I smoke alot and my blood pressure must be through the roof, why can't I just die in my sleep or of a fucking heart attack! I need to tell someone but I can't tell the people I love. My Partner(don't really like the term "girl friend" more like my wife)of 11 years is leaving me after I discovered she's been sleeping with someone else. I am broken.. but not blameless. I have never been violent or unfaithful, I was neglectful and verbally abusive, the latter started more 2 years ago, my younger brother, same Mum different Dad, was banged up for 17years for stabbing x7, not killing, his mentally and physically abusive father, he lied to get him a longer sentence aswell and hes still with our Mum, he's also a convicted pedo. I was(still am) on the phone to my brother a lot, and it killed me everytime we spoke, some conversations could get heated and I would shout and swear at and my other half would come out of the bedroom after I was done and ask if all was "ok".. Me: "Did it sound ok!? No it fuckin isn't!". And neglectful... I grew too comfy, I worked hard and she was always there, my one constant.. and I never put her first. I am now sooo tired of this life, and too long in the tooth t want t rebuild anew. This woman was my life and now it's nothing. So tomorrow I plan on having a shower, poppin t the chemist for some numbing cream, a mid bottle of Jack from the next shop then off to a quiet place in the park t slit a wrist.
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2020.11.15 14:45 drifting---away 4 years with a Psycho Aunt

I'm a Welsh 23yo F and this is my true to life re-telling of before during and after math of escaping my abusive teenage life with my aunt (PA for psycho-aunt).
So for a little bit of backstory I love my family but they all have their own issues with varying degrees of seriousness depending on how you look at it. My mum has a plethora of mental health issues and occasionally suffers with handling suicidal tendencies, I'm so proud of how much better she is handling herself these days as she used to be much worse in all regards to this and is otherwise one of the most loving, accepting and giving people I've ever known. My grandparents are also good for the most part, though like many are stuck in some pretty old fashioned ways, being somewhat racist and very homophobic (hooray for me being bi and never able to come out without detaching from them) but are otherwise nice people too. My younger uncle YU, has distanced himself now but used to smoke weed regularly - he was my rock getting through a lot of things years ago though. My older uncle OU, went to Prison for a chunk of my teen years for dating a 15 year old (legal age 16) - this will be relevant later. And then there's by far the craziest and one of the most malicious people I've met, PA.
PA is my loud, aggressive and heavily drinking Aunt. The scariest thing about PA is unless you know her pretty well or have lived with her, that she comes off as a normal and functioning member of society. She has a steady office job, solid friends, a good relationship with most of the family and a fiercely protective nature that most see as endearing, but I know better. My family all have had negative interactions with her. Once she broke a wooden chair over my YU back when getting angry over a game of Monopoly. Another regular occurrence was OU was screamed at by her, coming into his room and insulting him, so he pinned her against the wall by her throat one time. He didn't Hurt her, just frightened her and she only ever barked at him from a distance after that, but she never stopped treating people badly. None of this was really like my prolonged experiences though.
When I was just turning teen life was tough. I was bullied at school which involved both mental and physical abuse. I've always been an artist and the bullying lead to many destroyed art pieces, being harshly stabbed with pens under desks and having rocks thrown at me as well as at one point being pushed down an embankment and having a bone in my wrist snapped and put in a cast for 6 weeks. If school wasn't enough of my worries, as I mentioned, my mother was struggling with self harming and overdosing and constantly in and out of hospitals and mental health institutes. I even had her call me one time to say her final goodbye to me after overdosing, which luckily she was found by paramedics and we were told she would have died within minutes if she hadn't had her stomach pumped.
It was because of my mums bad health that I moved in with my grandparents for a time. Living there wasn't the worst, I got to spend time with YU who I loved dearly but OU also was there before he went to jail - he was always awkward with me, somewhat pervy asking me questions I was too young to answer and made me uncomfortable but I wouldn't have called him a threat. Generally I got on with my grandparents too, though my Nan had and still has terrible issues with throwing away peoples possessions as a bizarre cleaning habit which lead to it's fair share of upset. When my grandparents were having their kitchen redone, OU was in Prison and I was living in his room till then, I was sent to live with PA to avoid being around building work when trying to bet back and forth to school. OU returned home and reclaimed his room while work was being done and then I was stuck with PA.
I thought school was bad but bullying passed and it was as I left high school and was moving to a local 6th form that I transitioned to living with PA, and those years were awful. I always knew that PA was obnoxiously loud and drank to much and about her temper but I didn't know the extent until I moved in. She drank several bottles of wine and sometimes lager too each night from Wednesday-Saturday and most Sundays too. she was beyond an alcoholic and claimed it was her right to drink and enjoy the money she earned, despite the whole families vocal concerns about her health due to it. I had a fairly good relationship with PA to start with. Everyone had had their turns living with her and warned me not to stay but she was outwardly nice most days, fed me and gave me pocket money through her rich bf and besides, it didn't seem like I had anywhere else to go at the time since they sent me there. I'm not really sure how to articulate exactly the extent of my experiences with PA, so I'll just list them here.
She was crazy when she was drunk, which as I mentioned was regularly. She would force me to spend time with her when she drank, under the guilt that she was lonely and needed me. She would sometimes drink so much she would tell me how she knew she was psychic and of horrible premonitions she saw that were going to happen, usually to frighten or manipulate me in some way. Other times she would tell me horrible stories about members of the family and why she hated them (accept for my grandad for whatever reason). I have no idea what was true but she told them like they all were and I was only a teen. Some of these included my mum having an abortion when I was younger and not telling me (mum had already told this to me in good faith but the way PA spoke about it was disturbing, this was because she medically couldn't have kids and saw the abortion as disgusting and murderous and somehow to spite her). She also told me my Nan used to poison animals and beat her Kids, would constantly rip into my OU for being a pedo (like I said he dated a 15 going on 16 year old who he was several years older than) and just generally how much she hated them. I think she just wanted me to cling to and like her the most when she dug these 'recollections' out. She regularly referred to me as her baby and her daughter, claiming she was a better parent than my mum and wanting me to tell her I loved her more than mum. The problem was she would get so drunk she genuinely couldn't remember the stories or mental abuse the next day, rinse and repeat, always making me feel sorry for her for needing me.
She cheated on her then bf now husband in front of me a few times. At least two different guys were involved with her while they were on breaks after arguments. One was a nice guy who I felt sorry for. The other I barely knew, he brought his two little kids over her place and had me babysit them while they 'watched a movie' in another room. I poked my bead in to ask them something, it was pitch dark, the TV was off and they were having sex. They didn't see me and I just went back to the Kids and never brought it up. Her arguments with her boyfriend when they were together were horrible too. They would scream and slap and hit each other, it was loud and terrifying. Her bf kept clothes in a wardrobe in my room too so the fights would always happen right in front of me as he packed them to leave for the umpteenth time, always coming back within a few days.
PA would often tell my mum I did not want to see her or visit her without asking me first, which really upset her. I mentioned I was uncomfortable visiting people in hospital but almost always jumped at visits with mum otherwise and she would try to stay with me at PA's house too when she could for weekends. PA was strict too, often demanding I keep the house spotless and maintain a better social life with friends when I would take time for myself for long periods, while simultaneously refusing to drive me to their homes because she was always tired after work. She wouldn't allow me on any form of public transport because it was 'too dangerous', she just liked to have control and know where I was all of the time though. She would also insult and talk about all of the qualities of friends of mine she had met to me while sober and drunk.
I've always loved comic cons, I would go to a big local one once a year and look forward to it all year. I would spend ages building cosplays and making arrangements for travel with her and friends months in advance for this con. So one time it came around as planned, she drove me to a train station where I met and travelled with friends, with the plans to pick me up from the actual con later that day as it was getting dark. When the time came around for her to pick me up, after a long and fun day on my feet, she called, drunk and unable to drive but coming to puck my up with YU driving her as a passenger to come meet me and my friends. YU got quite lost finding the con but my friends and I waited where we were told and they eventually found us. From the moment I said goodbye to my mates and got in the care she started screaming at me and berating me for being an inconvenience and putting people out. She was so loud with so few breaks that YU stopped the car and yelled at her, which he never did to anyone unless seriously mad. He told her to shut up and stop bullying me, who was crying in the back (I was around 17 and sensitive), or to get out and find her own way home. The rest of the trip back was silent and I went back with YU to my grandparents house to stay the night. PA called me the next day apologizing and asking me to come back, again because she needed me and was sorry and I didn't want to let her down.
For my 17th Birthday I went out to see a movie and have a meal with a big group of friends. PA always made a huge fuss about me answering my mobile to her first time (she wanted to put a tracker on it at one point too but luckily this never happened), this was probably part of her complex of having to know where I am and control me once again. I had my phone off for the movie, as far as I knew she was aware of this and the plan was to call her after the meal so I could be picked up. She showed up to the restaurant as food was being served and proceeded to lecture and scream at me in front of my entire friend group. Everyone was embarrassed, I held it together as best I could until she left in a huff, telling me to call after I'd eaten. I broke down when she left and my best friend had to take me aside to calm me down and that's now my memory of turning 17.
Another time we were taking a car trip out with my grandparents and they asked if we could bring deck chairs. (I'm severely arachnophobic to the point that I seize up in pure fear just seeing a spider irl sometimes.) So PA and my grandparents pull out a couple of folded deck chairs from their shed that are absolutely covered in spiders and webs from storage. She asks if I can have them on my lap for the trip in the back seat and of course I ask if we can leave them because I don't want hundreds of tiny spiders all over me. My grandparents also say not to bother. PA dumps both chares on me anyway though and belly laughs as I seize all my joints and scream as spiders run all over me and I have one of the worst panic attacks of my life. My grandparents took the chairs away and dust me off as I again bawl, all the while PA has had to walk away and not look at me because she finds the situation so funny.
I had a social worker who was supposed to help out with my quality of life when mum was sick. I very quickly found out I couldn't trust him though. PA would take him to another room, butter him up and flirt with him, all the while telling him nasty stories about my mum and how I was better off with her. They also went out for food and coffee often and were buddied up in the least. I told him point blank that i refused to talk to him and didn't want him involved and he listened.
She would also tell me stories while drunk about her past that I can never unhear and should never have been told. In detail stories about physical abuse from her partner that lead to her infantility. The same guy abusing his Rotty by underfeeding it and training aggression, sometimes muzzling it and pinning it on her and how the guy killed someone's dog in front of her with a Shovel because it's owners owed him money. How she would pretend to be homeless to beg for cash. How she stole Christmas presents from families with children and babies and bragged about reselling the gifts. How she was known as a 'bad bitch' and used to carry around and presumably wield a baseball bat covered in nails (she named it too but I forget what). How she did hard drugs and hid them from her parents by burying them in their garden. She also showed me her 'secret box' which contained a diary and memory items relating to her mentioned abusive ex, who killed himself in Prison but who she still felt connected to.
One of the things PA always used to self promote with was her 'passion' and how she had a big loud bark but would never hurt me physically. She did on a few occasions though, mostly accidentally where she would be tipsy or drunk and excitedly drag me to places to be involved in things at parties, calling my a wuss or pansy if I ever expressed any pain from these interactions. At one party she laughed hysterically as she watched her drunk 30+yo friend grab and make out with me, only gently stopping him when she saw how panicked and horrified I looked. She once slapped me too. She didn't like me having partners, she lost control over me that way. If I ever claimed to be dating anyone she would invite them over, get them drunk and intimidatingly try to interrogate them for info about their personal lives, values, sexuality and genders. She claimed that if they didn't answer completely and honestly that they had something to hide and weren't good enough for me. I dated a bi guy when I was about 15-16 and when she found out he was bi she drove him away. Stated he wasn't right for me and threatened to kill him by mowing him down in her car. He wasn't an amazing bf, but the relationship taught me a lot and all this stung harder at the time as she made me break up with him. She also had a 'premonition' about how in the future he was going to murder the whole family if I continued to date him and how it would be my fault. She didn't like the guy I dated when I was 18-19 either. She always accused us of doing sexual things in her house which obviously was strictly against her rules despite me being an adult by then I guess. I understood her logic though and we were always courteous and never attempted anything, even though she always accused. She always insisted that me and her were super close and wanted to know all of the intimate details about my sex life. Like not just when it started in order to help me out but actual details like we were going to just gossip about it and it freaked me out, it wasn't her business even if it was something I was thinking about, which it wasn't. Anyhow, one day that bf stayed over, he had night terrors so I stayed near him to comfort him until he managed to drift off. It was separate beds strictly any time he stayed, so when she found me having fallen asleep next to him the next morning, she dragged me away, calling me a traitor to her and a slut and proceeding to slap me while I bawled and tried to tell her the truth. she didn't believe me though and this was the beginning of the end of my time with her.
For a short burst of time when I had less classes to attend in 6th form, she would take me to work with her at her office job. It was long 9-5 days where I would have to be silent and entertain myself and draw. That is until she actually taught/instructed me on how to do her work and had me work on a PC doing a chunk of her work along side her. I wasn't paid for this, she called it work experience and I think she wanted me to do it full time when school officially ended. She would also tell me that I was taking on unpaid art work, usually portraits that I would hate making, preferring animal work, for her friends and colleagues. She would either lay on the guilt or get nasty if I didn't want to do them and they cut into time I had for school work too. Once she demanded a baby portrait that she needed the same day. I struggled to draw from a poor quality reference photo, starting over again and again wanting to get it right. I got so flustered as time ran out and cried so hard about feeling like a failure for it's quality but she still made me stay up to finish it. Her friend needed it and she wanted me to 'make a good impression for her' since she had praised my abilities to them.
I have a list somewhere of all the demotivational and mean things she would say or yell at me on an almost daily basis. She would call me fat and ugly and say my worth and lack of self worth made her sick, all the while telling her friends and colleagues I was a perfect child. Sometimes it felt like she just liked to upset me. Whenever I bought something I was really excited and happy about, she would take it, claiming she had to see it first and that she 'wouldn't Hurt it' or that I was selfish not to share. She would always give the thing back, but not before making me wait for it, making a huge fuss over it and usually breaking it in some small way before handing it to me with a smirk. Happened more than once.
One time, my partner at the time was staying with me and the house got broken in to (she was away in her camper van with her bf so it was just us home (me19 and him20). The guy who broke in wedged open the kitchen window and snuck in, opened the door to the room we were watching a movie in, said "oh shit" and darted back out the window. We didn't see his face and he didn't steal anything but it shook us up. When PA got home this made her a paranoid mess. She had cameras put up outside to see anyone coming and going, my bf helped her put them up as he was techy. She would sit in the pitch dark in the kitchen late at night, holding a baseball bat, drunk as a rat and staring at the window, mumbling about wanting the crook to come back for a surprise so she could get him. She also accused my boyfriend of being the thief later on which makes no sense to me. She later went on to accuse him of Hacking her cameras to watch her too and insisted on having them replaced.
Then there was the time she stole prescribed and very strong sleeping medication from my mum when she visited me. She said she wanted it because she couldn't sleep for work when she drank on a Sunday. She took the meds with wine and collapsed on the kitchen floor. Me and my bf, who was again luckily visiting, had to pick her up out of broken glass as she writhed on the floor and carry her to bed. She couldn't remember it the next day and laughed when we worriedly told her what she'd done - she was more upset with her broken wine glass and continued headache than anything else.
So obviously things eventually came to a head with me living with PA. I stayed with her for about 4 years in all while a teen, she later claimed this was 8 years and genuinely believed it was too I think. Towards the end of my time with her I was getting ready to leave for uni, initially planning to commute there each day from her apartment and somehow hoping to cope. I sat down with my grandad, told him some of what was going on and asked that he spoke to her about it as he was the only person she really respected. I'd have talked to her but didn't want to deal with the aggression. He did sit with her though and told her she was pushing me too far and that I'd leave. "she wouldn't leave, I've got her wrapped around my little finger" was her response, before berating me for troubling him with 'my problems' instead of her. There was a stupid, meaningless argument one day not long after that, mostly between PA and my bf. The argument ended after a Skype call with him where she then came centimeters from my face and screamed at me about what a bad person he was and how I was thick for dating him. My mum was visiting and saw the whole thing. Well it just so happened my bf was in shared accommodation and had a room free. She went out in the camper van with her bf again the filling day for the full weekend and with the approval of the housemates, my family and the help of my mum, I moved all of my belongings out of her house and to my new home with my bf at an address she did not know. She was so mad, texting me about how much of a bitch I was when she got back to the empty room. I never replied though and have never directly spoken to here since.
For a long time after I left she would drunkedly call my family and tell them fabricated stories about me. Usually strange things like she'd seen visions of me and my partner illegally walking down train lines or having orgies with our housemate. Though once several members of my family were contacting me upset and doubtful where she had convinced them I had had a secret abortion which was quite upsetting since I've never even had a pregnancy scare before. I did lose my virginity the day I moved my belongings to my new home though so she can suck on that since she was so set on keeping that experience from me. I contacted the police about obtaining a restraining order against her not long after that incident and it didn't get put into place but she has been quieter since. Through tears, I've talked to all of my major family about what she put me through while I lived with her but all of them are still in contact with her and don't want to cut ties. They say that family is important because of blood but it does pain to see how much they value her after knowing how much she has Hurt me over the years.
I visited my grandparents with my then bf several times after time had passed and a few times she would happen to stop by at the same time. During one if these coincidences she accused my bf of stealing my laptop (he had a Mac) just to pick a fight, but was ignored. Another time he brought his heavy gaming PC down so that my grandparents could try VR. Nan made some comment to her about wanting my bf to put the pc away and she quickly barged passed him to pick up and move it herself, again to make a fuss. It was too bulky for her though and she dropped it. The pc came out fine but she dented my grandparents wood floor. Free pass though coz family I guess.
There are lots of other little interactions I could mention about PA. She still messages me from time to time but it's usually either incoherent or asking me what she ever did to me for me to rip her heart out when I left. The ways she's treated me and other people have been vile, but this text has already gone on too long. I barely hear from her now besides little jabs and comments about me or catching her visiting my grandparents at the same time, our lives are completely separate. Mine has never been better.
submitted by drifting---away to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.11.10 06:34 rb7948 I need help

Sorry long post ahead.
I’m not doing well - the past couple of days have been the worst I have been in a long time.
On Saturday I was browsing porn and typed in teen on google. I clicked on a link and it popped up with a gallery website. There didn’t seem to be any nudity or pornography and the first couple images looked like people of age. Once I started scrolling a bit I then saw blatantly underage girls posed in swimsuits, so I quickly exited the website.
From then, I searched on google for school girl and ended up clicking on a link on my phone. As the images were too small, I then went on my laptop. I remember seeing girls in school uniforms, and now I don’t know if i have false memories but I type into google highschool girl thread into google. Once I was on my computer and clicked the images, I could see that the pictures were very questionable in age, and I quickly closed that too. From then I continued on to reddit and didn’t see anything bad.
I spent the rest of that Saturday not feeling right - I was obsessing over the fact that I swear I saw underage people on the websites - but could I be sure? What if I was wrong?. I went back onto the first website and confirmed that it looked like underage girls in swimsuits, I then looked at the frequently asked questions part of the webpage and saw that they said they don’t host illegal content or any nudity. This website just didn’t sit right with me guys, so I reported it to the federal police on their esafety website. It asked if I wanted to leave me contact details and I did so I could find out if they shut it down or not.
I hadn’t reported the other one at this time, and I started to get major anxiety that the police would be after me because I hadn’t reported it. I couldn’t remember the title of the thread, so the next day I spent ages searching on google to find the school girl thread, with different variations of the term “school girl” and “high school girl” thread to find it. Eventually I found it and went in to confirm my suspicions. There was a photo of someone who possibly was underage. And a couple people were talking about these girls potentially being underage. I copied the URL and reported it to the federal police website. This time anonymously.
I have now developed horrendous overthinking and anxiety over whether the police are going to come and arrest me for stumbling across this stuff on google. All my searches I was looking for 18+ models, I thought surely you can’t stumble across this on the first search on google? Surely the sick fucks that like this stuff are all on the dark web?
I went into a compulsion frenzy and was typing in phrases on google ranging from “accidentally found child porn” and “OCD and child porn” and “stumbled across CP” to see if anyone was in my situation and what happened. This then obviously came up with google saying “child porn is an illegal offence, report it to the federal police on the link below”. This was the link I reported the links to before. I am convinced now that these searches have flagged my IP address and the police are on their way to speak to me.
I am also freaking out about the fact that I went back to the websites to confirm if it was something I needed to report, and then went back again to get the URL to report them. I have visions of the police coming and saying you must have been intentionally searching for it because you went back onto the websites (even though they’d be able to see my search history where I then went on to report it to the federal police).
I am massively overthinking that because I reported the links, the police are going to come and arrest me for coming across these things and seeing them. They are going to look at my search history and see I searched for ‘high school girls 4chan’ even though it is a normal category on pornhub. There are countless pornhub videos with highschool in the title. It was on google so I expected school girls and teens to come up with legal models.
I have spoken to my partner and my family about this and they have all said the same thing - you did a good thing by reporting the links and that the real pedos are on the dark web downloading and sharing hundreds of photos of actual children in sex acts. They told me that the police aren’t searching for people that stumble across it by accident, and certainly not people who report it and leave their name and email address in the report.
Am I blowing this out of proportion? Will the police come for me and think it’s suspicious that I did multiple searches for these things to confirm my overthinking and then to get the URL to report it?
Will the police be flagging my google searches of “OCD and child porn” and “accidentally stumbled across child pornography” ?
I want to stress that I was not intentionally looking for this material, and I never downloaded anything from any website. I cleared my history and wiped my computer as I don’t want that horrifying stuff on my browser history.
submitted by rb7948 to OCD [link] [comments]


2020.11.08 13:01 xfrankensteingirlx Helppp???

Hey y’all so I’m pretty new to the fandom, pretty new msi listener (since March 2020) found them through mcr.
But yes, so idk about u guys but I’ve seen so many things trying to “cancel” msi, Jimmy more specifically.
Honestly I don’t see what Jimmy done as that bad? Like I don’t agree with him using the n word in songs but it was 20-10 years ago and I know from my older family members that it was kinda different back in the day, heck even 5 years ago the white kids at school was saying the n word with no consequences. (I myself am in fact white, but I don’t use the n-word because simply it’s not my slur to claim) and Jimmy saying fagg*t (isn’t he bi? I myself am bi)
And LynZ and Steve? Did they really cheat on their respective partners? Because that, well I can see why thats bad.
I like msi, their music really gets me going, and most of the time I feel like crap so music like msi’s can help.
But also, it’s annoying when I’m on social media (Instagram and TikTok) just trying to enjoy some msi music and I get all those “alt girls” telling me I’m a piece of shit for listening to them? Like? They don’t know me and don’t know my beliefs-
I think, Jimmy isn’t a pedo. That’s for sure. Sure he kissing under age people, but it was a kiss? And it’s not like he forced them, it was at a show- a concert? A mindless self indulgence concert. They are shock rock. They want to offend you. The n word, Jimmy didn’t use it in a way “hey you know what fuck black peoples way” at least, I read all the lyrics form album Tighter, he uses it in a non offensive contexts (I wish he hadn’t used it; because he shouldn’t and I’m not defending him, just see how it’s not intended to be like a bad way) and the other slurs, he can claim most of them i think cuz he’s bi.
Kitty hasn’t done anything problematic.
Lynz and Steve? Idk man? Is it just angry Mcr Frerard fans trying to shit on Lynz?
pls help? I’m done with being sent posts about “why msi is bad” or “Jimmy urine did this” like? None of the members have done anything like rape, pedophilia, murder?? Like? Why can’t I just listen to their music?
I’m asking from fellow msi fans to tell me what you think about the whole msi being cancelled thing.
(Please be serious with replies, I love jokes as much as the next person, but this time I’m honestly despaired that everything I like gets cancelled by people. Some I can understand, but this? It was all years ago. And they are shock rock. They want to offend. Why can’t people get that?) it’s all those “alt girls” like the “new” alt.
submitted by xfrankensteingirlx to MSI [link] [comments]


2020.11.04 08:08 SootheMe My older boyfriend might be super into younger girls. How do I know if this is unhealthy.

Younger not meaning pedo, just significantly younger.
So, for context: I’ve been with my new boyfriend for a couple months. We are currently 12 years apart in age, with me being a 32, F, and him being a 44, M. I know that he really likes the fact that we have an age difference, and both of us have our lives completely together with good jobs and good income. I am somewhat of a Trophy Girlfriend to him.
Sometimes when we’re having sex he will say something about me being far younger. Sometimes even things like “You’ve never been with a guy as old as me before. I’m the oldest man you’ve ever been with.” Things like that.
I know having a girlfriend that is younger is important to him. Should I be concerned? Is this just innocent role play? He is definitely the Dom and I’m the Sub of the sexual relationship. I’m an equal partner outside of sex.
I don’t understand modern dating, please help. This is my first boyfriend after a long marriage, and I have no idea what I’m freaking doing.
TL;DR my older boyfriend is possibly fixated on younger women
submitted by SootheMe to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.11.03 12:13 PM_ME_YOUR_LAYOUTS Key-logger for my 8 year sister-in-law?

My partner and I are very worried about my sister-in-law's unrestricted and unsupervised access to the internet. My partner's parents are technically illiterate, and don't understand the implications or potential dangers of letting an 8yo roam free on the internet.
Most of the time, she's just playing Roblox or Minecraft - both of which she's obsessed with - but we're both extremely worried about pedos on the internet; last week we found out the someone on Roblox asked her age, what school she went to and her address (thank fuck she doesn't know her address). Also, my own sister (now grown up) was duped into sending topless pictures at age 12 to a man masquerading as an American boy (she'd even printed out and framed 'his' photos). I'm shit-scared about something similar happening to her.
As my in-laws are so useless with this, and refuse to take action or responsibility (very much 'ostrich head in the sand, lalalalala' type) - I'm after a keylogger that we can check every week or so, that stores stuff locally. It doesn't have to be hidden to the user, but it does have to run automatically every time the computer is booted. I have teamviewer set-up on her machine (to get her onto her online classes), so can access the log files whenever.
I don't mind paying a bit for something like this, but free would obviously be better.

DAE have a similar situation with kids or younger siblings?
submitted by PM_ME_YOUR_LAYOUTS to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]


2020.11.03 11:36 lilywhite-n-poppyred I can't live with the memories of my dad's sexual abuse.

(M24) Maybe a little backstory first. Last fall I got discharged from military. After some time in hospital and a surgery I went home and started seeing a therapist. Apparently the mentions of my childhood seemed concerning to him cause he started fixating on some of the memories I had. After a few months of talking about it a lot more memories started to resurface. And at this point it turns out that my dad is a pedo. And he molested me when I was a kid. I just can't deal with those thoughts and the memories hence drinking and using.
I also don't sleep, the nightmares don't let me. I can't force myself to eat. I don't shower cause I can't force myself to undress and look at myself naked. And I don't leave my apartment anymore because I'm too afraid of confronting people. I just basically rot in here and spend all my time getting drunk or high and talking to my cat or some rats that moved in recently.
Sometimes I feel like the main reason things are so bad in my life is the fact that I'm completely alone. I don't have any friends and my family hates me. I only have a partner, but he's currently on a deployment in Afghanistan. I haven't seen him since February. And I'm not even sure if we're in a relationship, it's more like roommates with benefits kind of thing.
Because of all that I can't even find motivation to get better and stop drinking and using. Cause no one cares whether I'm sober or wasted. Whether I'm alright or a wreck. And I just can't do it. I'm too damaged to keep going, I have no future, I'm unable to have a normal life. No one would want to stick around cause I'm too messed up.
submitted by lilywhite-n-poppyred to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2020.11.03 08:24 amievenreal99 Trust your initial gut feeling

TLDR: If your gut feeling tells you something seems off, it is. Do not let gaslighting, conditioning or begging convince you otherwise.
------
So I had met this guy on OLD and at first, we really seemed to hit it off.
Interested in many things, lots of interests we could talk about, asked me if I know FDS, only to tell me that he lurks here and the woman's perspective really helps him be a better person, tells me how he wants to be the best he can be, believes in good role models and wants to be the dependable, protective, wise, reliable person, accepts criticism, and apologises, says he want to be better, uses proper grammar, is against porn.
Sounds good, what could go wrong.
Day 2, he tells me he will be free to call in 2h. After 2h, no call. I tell him goodbye, that I think he is a great person, but I want someone more interested in me. He begs me to stay, he has been busy a lot and really wants to call. Weird gut feeling, let's call anyway.
Day 3, we plan to watch a show together tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, in the morning he tells me he doesn't want to get out of bed today. So I say okay, a friend called and asked if I have any plans, I don't seem to have any, so I went with my friend. He says "Enjoy your day and have fun". I come back, write him that I had a great day, but I would really like to call it off, since I'd rather spend time with people more interested in me, like that friend today.
He gaslit me and made it sound like I was the one who canceled and he was "confused".
Usually, I would just block and delete, no explanation, no questions. Before the gaslighting I felt he was a good person, so I wanted to tell him goodbye. He begged to make it up to me, wanted to call, I said no, he kept insisting. Again, tons of apologies, I said, that's nice, but I don't feel like it.
I don't know why, but I let him persuade me.
This morning - the day after - he had sent me a message, saying he has growing up to do, yada yada, no interest. I'm glad he did it, since yesterday he really added some large negative value to my life and I should have believed my gut feeling before.
EDIT:
He didn't even know I had a reddit account, and I never told him about this sub. He came out on his own and said "I'm on reddit and there is this sub called FDS I've been on a lot in the past". He told me all these ideas on his own.
I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that a lot of women nowadays are pickmes and don't have any standards and expectations for their partners whatsoever, so when he talked to me and read between the lines, he realised I do have them and guessed I might be on here and like him telling me about this sub. He gave me what he thought I might want to hear.
A lot of "woke feminist" men try to bait women like pedos do children with candy, so I wouldn't be surprised if he implemented this as his go-to predatory behaviour as well.
On an unrelated note, imagine our social expectations for male behaviour being so low that "I'm going to treat you like a person" is an effective baiting method for predators and makes them sound like the top 1%.
submitted by amievenreal99 to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.11.02 13:54 captmomo [table] I am Aubrey Cottle a.k.a. Kirtaner. I am the founder of the hacker collective "Anonymous". Yes. Really. Ask me anything.

https://twitter.com/Kirtanestatus/1322730329912782853
Hello, /IAmA! I am the originator of the Internet Hate Machine that took the world by storm in 2007-2008. This was confirmed the other day by Gregg Housh.
https://twitter.com/GreggHoush/status/1322017274623107072
I have "come out of retirement" in service of dealing with the current QAnon menace warping minds around the world.
https://twitter.com/Kirtanestatus/1321975553264680960
In the process, I am working closely with forensic researchers and journalists. Most recently, I collaborated with Mother Jones on a piece covering Jim Watkins' past business.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2020/10/jim-watkins-child-pornography-domains/
And lastly, for the piece that revealed my identity to the world, you may read this article published in The Atlantic on August 11 earlier this year.
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2020/08/hacker-group-anonymous-returns/615058/
I am also the founder of 420chan, one of the oldest living imageboards still in operation today.
Ask me Anything.
edit: This is probably going to take a while :)
edit 2: 3 hours in, do not worry, I intend to be here for a very, very long time. I know everyone is going to have so many questions.
edit 3: by "very long time" I literally mean days.
edit 4: WE DID IT WE BROUGHT BACK SNACKS https://twitter.com/MidnightSnacks/status/1323171108481306624
edit 5: ok i need to take a nap i will return you really have no idea how much your support means
Question Answer
What issues would you like to see the next generation of hacktivists tackle? Privacy rights, big data, monolithic megacorporations owning everything about you and your life.
Is there a Mrs Cottle? A former Anonymous partner in crime, Spardot.
How do you feel about the fact that, predictably, half of Anonymous turned out to be informants? It's just part of the game, I suppose. Not really much to say here.
Answer to Q above Kids, learn some fucking OpSec.
Hi Yes. Keepass, 1password, any such password manager. Highly recommended.
You mentioned weak and reused passwords as most comon problem... Q answered above
What do you thing about password managers? Are they secure and safe? Q answered above
Hi Aubrey, I remember meeting you around 5 years ago while waiting in line for some amiibos and not knowing that you were THE Aubrey Cottle! I was wondering how you felt about the media’s representation of Anonymous over these past several years. And on another note, how are you doing? Haha! Oh man. Yeah I'm getting this reaction a lot.
Answer to Q above I've been up and down. Life. You know. I'm working on PTSD stuff.
Answer to Q above I should probably get around to sorting out my Amiibo collection one of these days.
Answer to Q above I've always found it hilarious how the media has represented Anonymous as a whole.
How did you get the idea to start anonymous? Did it come naturally? Yeah, things just kind of "took off" and boy did we ever run with it.
What’s the most fucked up information you personally found? Pedo shit.
Hi Aubrey, Weak and re-used passwords.
What do you consider the most common internet security mistake that people make to be? Q answered above
Are you still considered Anonymous? Anonymous is for life.
Was anonymous really responsible for draining the ink from the Scientology headquarter’s printers by making them print thousands of black pages? Probably.
Also, fuck Scientology. Fuck Scientology.
Have you forgiven those who sold you all out to the FBI? I have... somewhat. Others probably never will. And they have every reason to feel that way.
Answer to Q above I couldn't hold onto the past like that if I were to move forward.
Okay but can you explain buttsec to me? Butt Security is an information security group dedicated to protecting your sensitive assets from deep penetration.
Hollywood is probably gonna call at some point; who would you like to be played by in ‘Anonymous: The Movie’? EDIT: spelling Jonny Lee Miller. I don't care how old he looks.
Hi Aubrey, I’m interested in learning more about cybersecurity, etc., are there any books/resources you can recommend?? Thanks I've been recommending the following resource to people.
Answer to Q above https://www.hoppersroppers.org/courseCTF.html
Why are you doing this here, instead of your own site or other Anonymous site? They don't give a fuck. Irony.
I remember back in 2011 Anonymous was infiltrated by an FBI informant which led to the arrest to some members after the attack on PayPal. One suspects name was redacted by the court and never explained why. Do you refer to the PayPal 13? If so, they were a minor.
Are you able to shed any more light on this event? Q answered above
What do You do for a living nowadays? Mostly contract work for software engineering. Though for the last several months my one and only focus has been on QAnon. I more or less abandoned everything I was doing for this.
Answer to Q above I'm also prototyping an infosec buttplug.
What is your opinion on Edward Snowden? Hero.
A rather simple question: Are you proud of what Anonymous has become and what it has done up until now? I couldn't possibly be more proud.
Hi! What is the most valuable lesson you've learned in your career so far and how do you think that will apply to your future endeavors? Thanks, Aubrey! Your only limitation is your willingness to independently learn and experiment.
Answer to Q above I am 100% self-taught.
Why does Anonymous doesnt seem to appear as much powerful today as they seemed to be 10 years ago ? Everyone went to jail or went into hiding after "he who shall not be named" ruined it all.
Hi Aubrey. Maybe this is a bit of a simply question.. But do people underestimate the dangers of social media security? They absolutely do. People don't understand that even outside of open discussions, metadata sourced from people's "social webs" can paint a fairly vivid picture of their relationships, friendships, general interests. That's just one single thing. Geolocation data, photo metadata, all of these things can be used to map out one's life.
Answer to Q above Also, if you aren't using 2FA on every internet account you have, well, you should start.
Who should be the most scared of annon right now? Jim Watkins, probably.
What is the largest project Anonymous has taken on? The big two that come to mind are Project Chanology and Operation #AntiSec
If the upcoming election is hacked and results are manipulated, how will we know? I don't think there's an answer to this question, and trust me I wish I had one.
Answer to Q above All I can stress to you is this:
Answer to Q above Get the fuck out there and vote.
Hey Aubrey, Epilepsy Foundation. I don't want to get into that whole debacle.
Do you regret anything that anonymous did, and if so, how would you do things differently in hindsight? I would have accepted the wider activist front that Housh pushed forward. He basically protected me for a long time, not discussing me with press, and I thank him for that.
Can you bring back Snacks?! Snacks is doing his whole DJ thing now but, hey, "Around Snacks, Never Relax".
Sup brotha, Do you use privacy tokens and if so which ones ? Monero.
Hi Aubrey, Yes. Anonymous has all walks of life. The most infamous is, obviously, the hacker type, but just as important are the ones that mobilize online and spread awareness, do research, and collaborate in that manner.
As a person with little to no knowledge of computing etc, is there anyway myself and others with no tech background can assist Anonymous? If you have a voice, you can help Anonymous.
What is your proudest moment? When I came to terms with my legacy and realized how much of an inspiration we were for the entire InfoSec and activist world.
Answer to Q above It took a long time to really process and think about, I was hidden in the open for so long and felt bitter towards Anonymous for a number of years after my "departure" and as time went on, I had become so buried that nobody would believe me when I tried to open up about the past. You can imagine why. I was getting more and more depressed and had I not found people who would actually listen to me and validate what I was claiming, well, I can just say I was fairly close to committing suicide.
A very not serious question: Dude that movie was my childhood bible.
How do you feel about the movie Hackers? Halcyon + On + On is my favorite song.
It’s my favorite movie ever and I can basically go word for word with the script haha. HACK THE PLANET
What is the end goal of Anonymous? Right now my only end-goal is bringing the QAnon game to a conclusion.
kirtaner-420chan, thank you for doing this AMA. Gabriella Coleman is a wonderful person and has been my confidant for the last several months discussing my life and history.
I have a copy of the book "Hacker, Hoaxer, Whistleblower, Spy - The Many Faces of Anonymous" by Gabriella Coleman. Have you read it, and if so, was there anything in it that you disagreed with, thought the author got wrong, or think needs clarification or other input? Her book and wider work is highly recommended.
Full disclosure, I haven't read the book yet, but I'll keep any feedback of yours in mind when I do. I would love to do that for you if you like. Contact me later.
If you haven't read it, I could mail you my copy. If it's not garbage I'd be thrilled to get it back with a signature in it, but no pressure whatsoever. Q answered above
How secure do you think the TOR network is? Also, with the move from BTC to XMR for most of the underground sections of the dark web, what do you think the next logical steps will be for tracking pedos/human traffickers/et al and taking care of those particular scourge? Tor is only one piece of the puzzle and for those who truly need the security it implies, many steps are required for both OpSec and hardening purposes.
Thanks for all your hard work, and please continue the fight. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak.
Hi Aubrey, which country has the most active members of Anonymous? In the past? The US.
Answer to Q above Now? Hard to be sure. It's not like I can pull out a big ol' binder here with a list of membership. :)
submitted by captmomo to tabled [link] [comments]


2020.10.31 03:49 throwawaycptsdidk I think I might be permanently screwed up.

I'm not diagnosed with PTSD or anything but like idk. This is long and im p sure nobody will read it but uh whtaever. skip to the bold if you wanna get to the actual problem
First of all, I'm 21 and autistic, so already from birth I was cursed.
I don't know what my parents were like when I was a kid, tbh. I think my mom was nicer when I was little, but she got a chronic illness when I was 7 (on Christmas, too). She's never gotten it diagnosed or treated, so I've just learned to suffer. This is gross sorry: When I was a kid she'd shit herself occasionally. It's much worse now. So my whole life was basically centered around her illness.
When I was a kid I was like... perfect. As like a 3 year old. I was basically at a 4th grade level in academics, I was a prodigy at violin, I was in a gifted school, I was one of the top chess players in the state. Etc. That continued until about 4th grade. My grades started slipping. My organizational skills sucked. My parents stopped doing homework with me and just punished me for not getting things done. On days off of school, my dad would give me giant packets of work to do before he got home from work. I'd never do them, so he started taking away my stuffed animals. Those were basically my only friends. I once slept walked to my desk and started sleep talking about how I didn't want my stuffed animals taken away. My dad said I should just do the work. Of course, it just got worse and worse. My autism documentation said that it was my biggest deficit to the point where I would need therapy and an IEP. My parents didn't read my documentation. About a year after I got ahold of my documentation (when I was 19) I brought it up and how maybe my bad grades through high school weren't entirely my fault. They just told me that it was entirely my fault. I may have cried lol. I never received any help for my autism because my parents decided it was a good thing to be autsitic because that meant you didn't have feelings.
Preschool I had tons of friends. Elementary school I did ok with friends (but I never hung out with anybody after school or during school breaks. I averaged about one playdate a year. I know this is stupid but it's probably the thing that makes me the saddest.) Middle school was when people started hanging out more and more, but my mom would refuse to drive, citing her stomach. So they stopped inviting me to things, and they started having more in common with each other so I was super left out. And this middle school had 20 people in my grade, so it wasn't like I could just find new friends.
High school, I went to a shitty private Christian school that was KNOWN for being cliquey and full of bullies. My parents knew this. They decided Jesus was more important. Because being banned from everything in the name of religion wasn't good enough. I didn't have any friends and I never studied or did any work because I was miserable. The ifrst thing I said every morning was that I didn't want to go to school. On the way to school I begged my parents to let me go to public school (we were in the bounds for one of the best public schools in the state). They yelled at me, saying it was God's plan. I tried to make friends but they didn't want to be friends with me, and of course, when your school has 50 people per grade and you don't have any friends, YOU CAN'T MEET ANYBODY NEW. So I was completely isolated. My after school activities were all solo activities (music - they thought it was too much time for me to go to orchestra or anything) or stuff with people not my age (my school required us to do a school sport for PE credits and my parents said it was too much time and too much driving, so I ended up doing some martial art where the only other people were 25 year old men... I was a teenaged girl). They took me to youth group sometimes, BUT IT WAS STILL WITH MY FREAKING SCHOOL. Even though we went to church every Sunday, they didn't let me go to THAT youth group. So I was stuck. And I wasnt allowed outside on my own, but it didn't matter because I didn't have anywhere to go.
So then for college I went across country. I thought finally I could make friends. My college was advertised as being a nerdy place, and I thought I could finally fit in. NOPE. Apparently, when you haven't had friends your whole life and you're autistic, you still can't make friends when you're in college. I met people on my college's discord, but the second we met irl, it was just too awkward. They would basically immediately ditch me after meeting irl. I tried clubs, but people hated me.
Also, my major sucks and I hate it. But it's not like I have any aspirations. My parents said I'd be good at it and it's a lucrative field. Too bad I can't make myself do a single ounce of work.
My grandmother died my first semester of college. She was like hte only one who was nice to me, but it was so awkard to be around her because I didn't know what it was like to have emotions with people and she was very emotion based. My parents tried to convince me not to come home because it would affect my schoolwork. I went home anyways and spent about 3 days there (I flew back the night of the funeral). I burst into tears at one point and my mom just stared as my aunts hugged me. My mom was a total bitch about the whole situation tbh. I wrote about it in another reddit post on a non throwaway account. It was bad. But at least it was better than being 3000 miles away from home, completely alone, dealing with a death... which is what I went back to. My grades dropped really significantly bc I couldn't do work the last month.
Seocnd year of college was my mental breakdown time. I got campus police called to my dorm twice. I trusted someone from my college's discord who had moved away for grad school. I made him promise not to tell anyone a thing because I never open up to people EVER. Well guess what? He decided to have a group chat with 6 other people just to talk about me, and then manipulated me into telling me that it was all good. Ugh. But he was the oly person I'd ever kinda trusted and who said he wouldn't abandon me like everybody in my life did, so I just stuck with him.... until he went missing. My mom told me to stop caring about him being missing because he wasn't my husband so I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't have friends in college anyways. That same week I got misdiagnosed with bipolar and had to go to the ER for a bad reaction, plus I had sepsis so I had to be in the hosital for a few days. He came back and I found out he'd been arrested because he's a pedo.... so I cut that off immediately. Even though we never talked irl it was still distressing and the only true friendship I ever had.... my parents said this is why we don't have friends and should only trust in God. But whatever, I ended up in the psych ward, my dad came and seemed supportive. I decided to take a leave of absence because of how my school does things. When my dad was helping me move out, he started immediately going off about how therapy was bs, anxiety is bs, depression is bs, meds are fake.
During my leave, I lived at home once more. I was required to go to therapy and get meds to be let back into school, but my parnets complained every single time. They said therapy is bullshit and that I was addicted to my antidepressants. I didn't make any friends at school once more, obviously... so I went back to my old college. That was this year. Things started looking up. But of course, God hates me, so now I've been back at home since March. Once again, friendless, completely isolated, failing everything (doesn't help that I was taken off my meds suddenly at the beginning of the semester). I'm going to graduate a semester late.
Right before my leave, I started kinda opening up to my conductor at college, but of course, as luck would have it, that was his last semester at the school (the first time I talked to him was the day he announced he was leaving). So I don't wanna do that again. Because people just leave.
Anyways, here's the actual problem that I wrote this post to complain about. I have never had friends or (true) family or anything. I don't know how to talk to ANYONE and it doesn't help that I'm autistic. Even when I had a therapist I was completely shut down. I could barely say anything to her the entire 7 months I saw her. My entire life is complete isolation and loneliness. I don't have siblings or anything, just my parents. I'm so miserable and lonely, but the second anyone talks to me, I shut down. Even though I kinda have online friends, the second we meet IRL, they realize how weird I am and stop talking to me. I don't know what to do. I think I'm a lost cause, tbh. My social skills are so poor that even the kindergarteners I watch at church have noticed that I'm weird. People even private messaging me is so stressful that I shut down.
I'm just so miserable and lonely and I don't see a way for things to ever change. I am DECADES behind my peers, and I'm only 21. And with quarantine, my life is only going to get worse.
Tbh it kinda hurts seeing all these posts here of people talking about their friends or partners and stuff. My parents weren't anywhere near as bad as anybody else's, and yet I managed to come out more fucked up than everybody else? How does that even happen?
submitted by throwawaycptsdidk to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 18:14 15throw15away15 At 15 years old, I started talking to a 24 year old man. At 16, we started dating. He was 25. After leaving him at 18 years old, him being 27, I'm now realizing how screwed up it all was. I need some advice.

I tried posting this to legaladvice, but they just took it down. I don't know why and I'm incredibly frustrated that I can't even post this shit to that sub because of the stupid rules.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by 15throw15away15 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 17:51 ThrowRA15151516 At 15 years old, I started talking to a 24 year old man. At 16, we started dating. He was 25. After leaving him at 18 years old, him being 27, I'm now realizing how screwed up it all was. I need some advice.

*Note: I posted this already to another sub from a different throwaway account. I had to make a new one to post on this sub because of the username rule.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by ThrowRA15151516 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 17:40 15throw15away15 At 15 years old, I started talking to a 24 year old man. At 16, we started dating. He was 25. After leaving him at 18 years old, him being 27, I'm now realizing how screwed up it all was. I need some advice.

This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by 15throw15away15 to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 01:08 jinny526 Why do we stay, I think I know why

It doesn't matter if u are with a physically abusive partner or a emotionally abusive partner, the reason we stay is out of fear but also hope
We hope the man we fell in love with will return
The man we all fell in love with was our Knight in shining armour, our Prince charming he came into our lives & gave us things we were missing love, worshipped us, thought we were great, they "loved" us told us things we wanted to hear, we thought it was to good to be true, they were even movin to fast for us but we say maybe they really loved us, we even thought the best bf we could ever think of having, the love was lovebombing us, they wanted us to feel this so we would fall in love with them, this is called grooming, they groomed us, just like a pedo grooms a child, offered us things we needed & liked until we were hooked, then slowly we noticed a change, but yet we didn't say anything but in the back of our head something niggled at us but we said nothing
Then little by little they showed their true self, then we just think of the beginning, how great that person was & why did it change, it didn't change the person we first met never existed in the first place it was all a lie, they know if they showed their real selves, we would of all run a mile, so instead they lied they wasn't Prince charming or our Knight in shining armour, they were much worse they were a monster hiding behind a lie & we all fell for it
It was a lie, forget the man u fell in love with he is never coming bk, loose ur hope if u want to survive & think of urself & run, the monster u live with day/night is the real him, mine took 6 months to show the real him & it took 1 & a half years to get out the relationship, u try to end it, they start crying & use excuse after excuse why their like it, promise they will change, & it does get better for a couple of days but then goes bk to normal, a lie, & this happens a hell of a lot of times until we have enough & we get a little bit stronger, they cry again, & we stick to no sorry it isn't working u don't want to b in the relationship anymore, they realise the crying isn't working so they change tactic & get angry & nasty then tell us they not leaving & will never let us go, they scare us into staying & u know u even tell them the only reason ur with them is coz ur scared of them & they don't care, as long as ur their to abuse & do what they want to us
U need to get out
Even if ur escape takes years plan it, save money, "give things away" hide them at ur families or friends homes, until 1 day ur ready to go, when his at work go as early as u can with the rest of ur things, somewhere far away & never look bk, & never ever keep in contact, block them on everything & change ur number
Honestly 4 yrs free getting rid of my ex was the best thing I ever did, I have a great bf whos never threaten me, or abused me or put me down & he has never physically abused, he a great man & in 3.5 years has never changed
New relationships give them a year if they don't change then move in together, watch our for all the red flags, we have senses for a reason but we don't listen to them, their there to keep us safe, imagine if we used them lol we wouldn't be in our situations past or present
Remember it isn't u it's them, it doesn't matter who u are u what u are u don't deserve this treatment & remember the same will happen to the next gf before & Well after u, sooner or later people will know what they are about
I wish anyone reading this all love & happiness & I hope u find ur way out, remember u are not alone x
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2020.10.16 22:36 lilywhite-n-poppyred I can't live with the memories of my dad's sexual abuse.

(M24) Maybe a little backstory first. Last fall I got discharged from military. After some time in hospital and a surgery I went home and started seeing a therapist. Apparently the mentions of my childhood seemed concerning to him cause he started fixating on some of the memories I had. After a few months of talking about it a lot more memories started to resurface. And at this point it turns out that my dad is a pedo. And he molested me when I was a kid. I just can't deal with those thoughts and the memories hence drinking and using.
I also don't sleep, the nightmares don't let me. I can't force myself to eat. I don't shower cause I can't force myself to undress and look at myself naked. And I don't leave my apartment anymore because I'm too afraid of confronting people. I just basically rot in here and spend all my time getting drunk or high and talking to my cat or some rats that moved in recently.
Sometimes I feel like the main reason things are so bad in my life is the fact that I'm completely alone. I don't have any friends and my family hates me. I only have a partner, but he's currently on a deployment in Afghanistan. I haven't seen him since February. And I'm not even sure if we're in a relationship, it's more like roommates with benefits kind of thing.
Because of all that I can't even find motivation to get better and stop drinking and using. Cause no one cares whether I'm sober or wasted. Whether I'm alright or a wreck. And I just can't do it. I'm too damaged to keep going, I have no future, I'm unable to have a normal life. No one would want to stick around cause I'm too messed up.
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2020.10.15 18:57 LissiKete Old witches suck life energy from their young partners ... conncets to child abuse?!

Lately i have been seeing a lot of older or old women with youger or very young dating partners. That made me think: what are they gaining from this realtionship? Young energy. Maybe they don't do it knowingly, but some do for sure. And that made me think of the pedo cults, they take things to extreme and by abusing children, they think they gain very young energy from their relations with the children. Whether they do or they just think they do isthe question. It's probably like a fountain of youth this energy. Creepy.
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2020.10.13 22:59 lilywhite-n-poppyred I'm scared that my partner will leave me when he finds out I've been using.

My partner (M24) and I (M24) have been together for 3 years or so. I'm not even sure if it's official, we never even established that. We just live together and act as a couple within the safety of our apartment. But I don't think anyone else knows that we're together. We met in basic training 6 years ago.
My partner is still in military but I was discharged last fall, due to an injury (I almost blew myself up). After I came back I started seeing a therapist. Long story short instead of helping me with my recent trauma he decided to dig into those few childhood memories that I had. Turned out my childhood was so traumatizing that I repressed most of my memories and they only resurface a couple of months ago. My dad is a pedo, there was molestation, rape, blah blah blah.
Anyway, I can't deal with that, I stopped seeing that therapist cause I'm angry with him and because I'm scared that there are more memories that could resurface. And trust me when I say that I can't possibly survive more of that horror. What helps me deal with those memories is alcohol and heroin.
My partner is currently in Afghanistan and I haven't seen him since February. I haven't told him about what's been going on because I didn't want to be a burden and he needs to have a clear mind over there. He's gonna be back in a few days and I'm scared that when he finds out that I've been using he'll leave me. And he's all I have. I literally have no one else. Obviously I do want to get better and work on my mental health and get into rehab or something. But I'd still be a huge burden to him.
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2020.10.12 14:28 6rwoods I'm starting to think that Sango is the twins' mother and here is why

Apparently there is an interview going around in which it is said that the Mother is a human woman we know, and that Towa takes after her so that we can guess who the Mother is by paying attention to Towa.
In terms of women we know, there aren't really that many who are still alive. There is Kagome, but beyond anything else she was having Moroha at around the same time as the twins were born, so it's very unlikely she's the mother to all of them.
There is Rin (which I know is the frontrunner for a lot of people), but Rin was deliberately designed as a small child in the Root Head flashback, even though the Inuyasha epilogue had her taller and in a new outfit to age her up, so I've started to believe they made her into a small child again on purpose (in terms of looks AND behavior) in order to show that she would be too young to be the twins' mother. Hisui was already born in the flashback, and I think he could be at MOST 3-4 years older than the 3 girls, which means the girls' were born no more than 3-ish years after the flashback. The Rin we saw in that flashback would NOT be old enough to be the Mother in just another 3 years. And if the writers wanted to go that way, they could very easily have Rin designed to be a bit older, show her dynamic with Sessh mature a bit, etc, to plant the seed that she was growing up. Instead, they de-aged her back to her og look/personality and made her completely static (she cheers at seeing Sessh protecting them and that's it). Plus, the description with her name says she "admires/looks up to" Sesshomaru, which is very different from any sort of romantic love, and I'm sure that is also a deliberate decision. Lastly, I really don't see much of Rin's personality/looks in Towa, so there's that. In short, I think the show writers have gone out of their way to make us view Rin as a small child who sees Sessh as a parent/protector, and not a potential partner.
So that leaves us with the 3rd and last option: Sango. Now, sure, Sango is with Miroku, but there are multiple likely explanations for how she would've slept with Sesshomaru that don't require too much of a stretch. Basically, Sango and Sessh are both adults who know each other and who run into each other fairly often. Sango is clearly able to bear children and has even had twins already. It doesn't take a super complicated explanation for them to end up sleeping together.
But there is more: in the flashback, when Sango sees Sesh protecting her house, she swaps one glance with him and IMMEDIATELY knows that she can trust him to watch over all of her children (including her little brother, who he had taken care of before), and that's when she leaves to join the fight. We don't see too much of Sessh in the flashback to lead us to a Mother, but what little we do see is: Sessh explaining something to Kohaku (the sort of thing he'd already done back in Inuyasha), Sessh standing guard to protect Rin and the other kids (which he'd already done back in Inuyasha), and Sessh being willing to protect Sango and her children without making any petty comments or arguing that he doesn't care about them or any of the things he would usually have said. Basically, the only character development we see from Sessh in this flashback has to do with him protecting Sango's children and silently letting her join the fight while he stays back looking after them. It's the closest thing to a "relationship" with an adult woman that we see from him.
*Another note is that this flashback does include a few extra scenes that were not in the original manga chapter. Two of those scenes are when Kagome is telling the twins about the kikyo root + when she mentions the poem with the 7 flowers. Those two things are clearly added because they are relevant to the story. The root demon and its connection to kikyo comes in the same episode, and there's the ongoing theory that the 7 flowers will be connected to the 7 rainbow pearls. But there is a THIRD scene that gets added to the flashback, and that's when Miroku, after being saved from certain death not once but TWICE in quick succession, looks at his empty hand and thinks about how "vulnerable" he is without his wind tunnel. Now what would be the point of including this scene, when they could easily have spent that extra time, say, fleshing out Rin's character (if she were going to be the mother)? Well, to me it looks like foreshadowing. Miroku is the person who's most often close to death in the og show, it almost became a joke. It would be very sad but very ironic if he finally gets rid of the wind tunnel, gets his happily ever after with the kids he wanted so badly, only to then die young because he DOESN'T have the wind tunnel anymore. And then where would that leave Sango? Grieving, of course, but also SINGLE and ready to erm... work out her painful emotions in the arms of a mighty and extremely attractive demon? Perhaps even the same one who's very good at protecting her little brother and children? Although of course we don't even need Miroku to die for something to happen. We know Miroku to be a womanizer, but what if one day he goes too far and Sango is upset about it? What if the circumstances lead her to be near Sesshomaru and in the heat of the moment she decides to get 'revenge' on Miroku by cheating on him too? It could happen...
Again, there are lots of fairly straightfoward explanations that could be used for Sango-Sessh that would be easier (and less squicky) than 'Rin magically ageing up to become a mother as a pre-teen', or 'Kagome had Moroha and then IMMEDIATELY cheated on her husband with his own brother and had another 2 kids in the same year', or 'Kagura was somehow ressurected as a human but we're not even gonna focus on that bc the story is about something else but we're just going to make things complicated for no reason'.
Then there is the fact that the Mother is meant to be like Towa. Now, Towa clearly looks like Sesshomaru in terms of coloring, and there are no human women we know of who looks like that. Meanwhile, Setsuna is said to 'take after' Sesshomaru because of her personality, not her looks. So we can assume they mean that Towa is like her mother in terms of her own personality and themes.
What do we know about Towa so far? Well, a key aspect of Towa's arc seems to be Towa's devotion and yearning for her younger sibling(s). She has a younger sibling she used to play with and protect but now she feels extremely guilty over having abandoned them, she wants to get her sibling(s) back and protect them, she is willing to even sacrifice herself for her sibling(s) - one of which coincidentally cannot remember her at all. So, who in the original story had a similar type of relationship to their own sibling? Sango. Sango and Kohaku had literally the exact same beats to their relationship.
Another thing we're seeing is that Towa is innately a fighter, and not because she loves violence, but because she believes it's right to stand up to bullies, and she just so happens to be very good at it. But at the same time, Towa knows that being a girl-who-fights makes her stand out from the standard female gender roles of her society, and she struggles with finding a balance there, although she doesn't seem to particularly WANT to be feminine, she just wants to not let her family down. Meanwhile, Sango is also a fighter and for very similar reasons. Sango also struggles with the idea of being a fighter vs. being the stereotypical woman (although it's not so much a major theme for her and more something they hint at from time to time). She's clearly the only female Demon Slayer in her village, she at one point calls out Miroku for never asking her to bear his children and is legitimately surprised when that one prince wanted to marry her. In short, Sango is proud to be a warrior, but she also believes that when people view her as one, they are not capable of seeing her as also being a "woman". Sango is different in that she IS actually quite feminine in most other respects, she just wishes people would see that in her, whereas Towa wishes people would stop trying to see it in her. There's also the fact that the way they fight with all the spinning, turning, high-kicking is very similar between them both. Lastly, Sango loves to care for her weapon. She is often seen cleaning it, etc, and seems to really enjoy that 'downtime', and she's the only character we really see doing that. Until Towa, that is, since she did the exact same thing with her own weapon in EP 2.
What else do we know about Sango's personality? Well, she is definitely much more placid and polite than the rest of the Inu-gang (who are always yelling/fighting/breaking things). She is extremely loyal to her friends, family, and comrades-at-arms, she has a strong sense of justice, she is kind and sensitive but can also muster up a righteous rage in a battle, she can be a bit melancholy at times though she likes to put on a brave face to her friends... And so far, from what we've seen of Towa, she seems to be very similar to all of this.
And then there is Setsuna, who acts like her father, and therefore it's safe to say that she LOOKS like her mother. Right? And it just so happens that Setsuna looks JUST LIKE Sango (and not just because of the outfit).
So that's my theory. Once you remove the possibility of a random woman we don't know, and when all the other options just don't add up logistically or otherwise, Sango is basically the only option left. And then if you look at all the ways in which Sango IS similar to the twins, and the fact that she does have some sort of mutual respect with Sesshomaru that no other adult woman has, well, it doesn't even sound so unlikely.
It would be sad from the MirSan perspective, of course, and as someone who was happily willing to ship Hisui and Setsuna, the possibility that they are actually half-siblings makes that quite impossible. But maybe they think of each other as siblings anyway, since they grew up together, and maybe Hisui will crush on Towa instead - that is, until she politely rejects him since she's obviously a gay icon who doesn't want no man and so they can move on from that before they ever find out they are siblings?
I still believe there is a fair chance that the mother will be Rin after all, just because Rin is the one who "loves" Sesshomaru the most and the only one who isn't already in a relationship. But at the same time, the way the story is being told so far is definitely not pointing to that either, so I'm very relieved that the pedo vibes of this possibility might not come true after all.
So, what do you guys think?
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